Hello. So I have been a little cryptic on my Instagram about being a little under the weather. I now feel as I can see a little light in the tunnel that I can share it with you all. As it has been a journey.
I started to feel unwell on 18th December, I remember it so clearly. I have had episodes of a similar illness before brought on by stress and anxiety, so I assumed it would life after a day or two. Six weeks on and it is still here. After numerous test, trips to A & E, GP and private health consultants. No -one has given me a definitive answer as to why I feel so dreadful. They have mentioned IBS, an umbrella term for anything related to your digestive system.
I have always sort of ignored listening to my gut, Emotionally and practically to be honest. LIfe is too busy to slow down, rest and respect what my body is telling me. Of course I should always be instinctive but at times is that practical? We all want to walk out of jobs we dislike and come home crying to our partners, but just leaving? Financial responsibilities always come first over our happiness.
So I have been ignoring my gut instinct. Carrying on like a crazed woman on a mission to live up to being the perfect mother, friend, wife, fashionista, school mum, sibling, daughter..the list goes on. What I should have done is listened. I didn’t and was practically bed bound for six weeks. Occasionally managing to get out and try and resume my life. My wonderful lovely life that I so took for granted as I was too busy and stressed to notice all of the really brilliant things around me.
I think the anxiety & exhaustion finally caught up with me. I remember a really good friend Jasmine Hemsley warned that if I didn’t listen to my body it would eventually just stop working, and that really is what happened. It has been terrifying, frustrating, confusing, disheartening and overwhelming. Being a spectator in your own life is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. So many days I just longed to be able to play with my children, eat a delicious meal with my husband, have a coffee with a friend, run around in the park, put on a pretty dress. Just really simple things that I totally took for granted before.
Today I went to the West End for the first time in a while I almost cried on the way to the bus stop. I was so happy to walk down the street feeling a little bit more like me. This has and will be the most positive thing to come from this horrid start to 2016. I really appreciate how lucky I am and how wonderful my life is. The simple things of my life. You can take all the other elements away. Please stop and think about the simple and brilliant things you have done today, at one point just walking down the street felt like I was walking through treacle and I wish to be like all of the other people with a spring in their step.
So, how did I start to feel better. I have embraced Holistic medicines. I know GPs are under pressure, but the advice given to me was to be put on the strongest and most addictive painkillers for a month. So just a plaster really on a chronic illness. Feeling frustrated after various tests to which the GPs sort of started to stare blanky at me crying in their surgeons. I was offered codeine, anti-depressants, sleeping pills, anti – gusto dugs, peppermint capsule this list goes on. My goodness if I had taken these I know my body would have been in a state of total shock and confusion in an already delicate state.
After an hour long consultation with a Nutritionist, I finally felt like someone understood what I have been going through and why it had happened. It had happened because of a build of of not taking care of myself and listening to what my body had been telling me. Exhaustion, stress and eating poorly had left my nervous system frayed and my digestive system not functioning. It is a cyclical nature too. I was stressed because I was unwell and Mothers cannot be ill for more than day so that was compounding the issue. So I had to accept it. Accept that some days were going to have to be duvet days, home movie afternoons, hour long family bubble baths to get through the afternoon or take away for supper days. Accept that I am not going to get better over night. This was really hard for me. I am a terrible patient, really terrible. I have cried, screamed, thrown things all in pure frustration that I could fix or control what was happening to me. The very reason that I got so ill on the first place.
So I take a herbal tincture 4 times a day and eat food that are easy to digest in small meals 4 times a day. I have never drank so much licquorish tea before in my life. It is very calming for your tummy. My tincture makes all my friends laugh as it looks like witches potion, but it works and has really calmed the pain and anxiety down.
I have also started Hypnotherapy to help me cope a little better with anxiety and putting so much pressure on myself. I am hoping to extinguish the constant to do lists in my head or the you could have done better voice I always have running through my mind.
So a total mind & body cleanse. Which I know will be tough at times but I am looking forward to coming out of this in such a better stronger place that before.
The Bradley bunch are also on the move in two weeks, so I am going to completely de-clutter our lives too. I feel so suffocated by all the stuff we collect that it is all going. Even my wardrobe. I will let you know of any amazing steals as Mr B is going to set up an Ebay account for all the clothes that still have their labels on. I am going to create my capsule wardrobe and work within that, instead of the Aladdins cave that is always on the verge of explosion every morning.
I thought about not sharing this with you, but then also thought about the endless googling I did at 3am in the morning looking for someone who had felt the same. I found things that no-one should read. Stay away from google. So I wanted to share it with you all. And hope that you will also take a little step back and really look and listen to what your body is telling you. We do a lot in the life, we are blessed to be able to have the choice to fill our lives with so many brilliant things but just be careful you don’t over fill. I promise the simple things are the things I missed the most.
Onwards & upwards,
London Mum xx